Combat Pain and Fear w/ Things That Scare You
Honestly, opening up my journal to write a post isn’t something I saw myself doing today but last night before bed I made a post saying I wish I didn’t have to be here. I talked about the pain associated with being disappointed by people you love and this morning I read a post saying that we have to start looking at life from the perspective of death and it’ll begin to feel like we don’t have enough time to do the things we truly want. It was such a weird post to read. He talked about a few other things that I needed as well but that sentence alone is what brought me here.
You see before I went to bed last night I was honestly okay if I didn’t wake up this morning or at least that’s how heavy my life felt. I felt that it would be fine, my friends and family would be fine, life would just be okay and no sadness would occur. Honestly it would probably make so much better for so many people. Often times I feel like just my existence is enough to ruin someone’s mood or might cause them to feel some of the things I feel. So if I weren’t around then that would stop right? That wouldn’t be possible right? Immediate response tells me the answer is “no” but honestly I have no idea.
What I do now after reading “live life from a death perspective. You never know how much time you have so do the things you want to do because it could end at any moment” is that there’s so much that I genuinely want to do but haven’t done for so many different reasons and I’m usually more of a go getter than I have been in the last few months and I’m not 100% sure what put me in a funk but I have to get out of it. My life looks so much different than what I thought it would in this season and though I have experienced so much pain and heartache I’ve seen so many small but mighty moments of joy. I’ve seen tiny glimpses of how my life could look but I feel like every time I take half step forward I’m pushed 10 huge steps back. It sucks so much but that’s literally how it feels.
So while I’m writing I wonder what would happen if I took more time to truly push all of my fear and all of my barriers forward and out of my way. It’s so easy to feel helpless like theirs no way out but choosing to see more is the hard part that will eventually, hopefully make life easier. Oftentimes people try to tell us that feeling the negative emotions that we feel is unhealthy and they want us to believe that we shouldn’t feel these things and even more there’s no way on earth that we should let those emotions out… well I disagree. Life isn’t perfect and I think it’s through our imperfections that we grow. Everyone is working on, towards, or through something and how honest they choose to be with others and themselves depends on their journey and who they are meant to help.
I believe that my impact will be great but there has been more than one occasion where I have genuinely felt like I didn’t want to and don’t want to answer the calling on my life but then there are tiny moments like right now where I wonder what would happen if I just stopped overthinking the entire idea and leaned all the way in to just see what comes of it. I’m completely terrified! I know that by opening myself up to do this I’m opening myself up to even more pain even deeper sorrow but just look what was born out of last nights pain.
I’m going to allow myself to continue to feel the things that I feel and definitely continue to share them because it always leads me to something greater and helps to grow my perspective. My desire is to be completely transparent with you regarding the things that I choose to share. Of course there are some things I may not share but if I was put on this earth to help others then I have to be obedient and share whatever is placed on my heart that day in it’s entirety.
I love to write and I’ve wanted to start posting and blogging again for so very long but every time I’d overthink it. In the last 24 hours I was reminded of a few things that helped me to push forward and at least try.
If you don’t at least try to do the thing that scares you everyday then you’ll never know what’s on the other side of that fear.
Fear is often brought on by being anxious of the unknown. “ I don’t know what will happen if I blog again.” “Why would anyone want to read my words.” “What if I fall off again?” The truth is I’ll never know unless I try! The truth is my words won’t be for everyone but for the person it’s for I’m sure it will do exactly what it was purposed to do. The real questions should be “what if I don’t fall off?” Then what? What could my life look like? Who could I help? How much closer will I be towards the feeling of fullness, joy, and complete gratitude will grow so big that I’ll honestly be able to look myself in the mirror and say job well done instead of asking myself “what are you doing?” “Why are you even here?” “Why do I have to be here?”
Whatever negative questions you may be asking yourself try to ask yourself the exact question from an optimistic viewpoint and see how things begin to change.
#DoItAfraid
#DareToDreamLoud
We’re in this together! I can guarantee you that. Even if it doesn’t feel like it…I’m right here with you and only a message or comment away.
What will you do today that scares you?
